Look, there’s a reason that we have professionals who’ve gone to medical school diagnose people. It’s because they go through great lengths to diagnose it properly. They fill out the proper paperwork so you can pull them out as proof. They run clinically tried and proven tests to make sure they’re…
im a rape victim. when i went to a psychiatrist about it, she didnt dx me with ptsd she shamed me for what i was doing to survive, she treated me like crap, she tried to force me into getting an IUD
i talk about it online to cope. i cant really talk about it very well in other situations and i need a place to talk or ill explode
Then that psychiatrist needs to be investigated. Yeah, there are people in the wrong profession that have no business being there. You do what you have to to cope, but I doubt she was trying to purposely “shame” you for your coping methods. Can’t say without knowing exactly what went on, but that’s between you and them.
And I’ll address this now. I strongly believe that telling you what you’re doing is wrong and you need to do something else for your well-being isn’t shaming. It might be misplaced, but it’s not shaming. Feel free to tell them that their help is unwarranted, but don’t blow up over it. Shaming is when someone says “Wow, how dare you trying to cope this way.” and then offers no help. That’s shaming. Using insults for the soul purpose of making you feel bad for participating in any given event for whatever reason.
As for forcing you, there’s a difference between strongly advocating and forcing someone to do something. Yeah, your psychiatrist strongly advocating an IUD, especially if the rapist was still out there. Your psychiatrist fears for your safety and wants you to take every precaution possible to prevent the worst if it comes to that. I would be willing to bet that they never once threatened action against you if you didn’t use an IUD. That’s the difference between forcing and advocating.
I’m sorry if you’re offended by this, but given how broadly defined subjects like “shaming” and “forcing” it has to be addressed. I’m sorry, but I think it’s completely stupid how people keep them as broadly defined so they have things to complain about.
Last thing and I’ll let you go, if you’re really that disappointed with your psychiatrist, you need to get a new one. Why would you stay? But be warned, if you switch once, twice and you get the same thing over and over, it’s possible that the first psychiatrist knew what they were doing, and you need to accept that.
No? It’s not between me and them, as I just told you I was abused. I drank to cope, and instead of recognizing that as a coping device (not a healthy one, to be fair) that could stop through helping to heal the pain of the trauma I’d experienced, she made it into something bad about me. You weren’t there, I was. She shamed me for it. She didn’t offer help.
Also, you just advocated that I be COERCED into reproductive care so as protect my safety? As if I couldn’t make that decision for myself? Thats the height of victim blaming. You do realize that the IUD is an invasive procedure right? And that my entire reasons for not wanting it done was that the thought of it reminded me of my rape? Pressuring someone into a reproductive care option after they’ve strongly said “No, Im not comfortable with this”… thats coercion. Coercion is a form of force. Force exists beyond just threatening. She also said “Well you let other things inside you” when I talked about not feeling comfortable with the IUD procedure.
Lastly, why does anyone stay in abusive situations? Theres a long list, I dont deserve to be shamed for why I stayed at the time. I don’t see that psychiatrist anymore. I haven’t seen any psychiatrist since.
I cant believe the abuse apologist shit you just said to me, I feel sick.
Saying “Hey, drinking is not a good coping mechanism” is not shaming. Don’t be dense. That’s just… common sense. No shit drinking is a bad way to cope with anything. Any psychiatrist will tell you that.
And saying, “Hey, take safety measures against the rapist who’s STILL OUT THERE AND KNOWN TO TARGET YOU!” is not victim blaming. Clearly you don’t know what victim blaming is if that’s how you define it. Here, I’ll define it for you: Victim Blaming: Spinning events in such a way that the victim is at fault for what happened. She wasn’t blaming you, she was saying protect yourself before your rapist comes back. Because you know what, telling him no is gonna do jack shit against him. It’s up to you now to do what you can to prevent another rape against yourself. And if you get raped again, any sane person isn’t going to blame you. So stop pretending the whole world is against you.
Yeah, okay, she would be out of line when she said “Well you let other things inside you.”. Poor choice of words, but she’s not coercing you into anything. Coerce implies that you actually went through with it. It also implies that she threatened you or forced you into the operation, and by the sounds of it, she did not.
When I asked “why would you stay?” I wasn’t referring to an abusive relationship, I was referring to your psychiatrist. If you don’t like her, then why stay? Read the context clues.
Oh, you were offended by my post? You got sick because of my post? Tough luck, I don’t give a shit about how you feel about it. You responded and that’s what I was looking for. Not some “Your post is horrible and you should feel horrible” bullshit. You know what it sounds like? You just saying “I’m not being told what I want to hear, so you’re wrong.”. Guess what, sweetheart, the world don’t give a shit. Stop being narrow minded and instead of defending yourself against every single little perceived travesty that goes against any little thing in your head, give it some thought and come back when you have a real argument.
That’s not what she said. She didn’t even recognize that it WAS a coping mechanism. Stop assuming things, stop creating hypotheticals of what you think it was like for me. Your hypotheticals are wrong and hurtful. I can’t give you exact specifics of what she said because this was long enough ago and my memory is terrible, but I can tell you she made it seem like I was misbehaving and a bad person for drinking.
And holy shit, yes it is. You sound like Buck vs. Bell, what the fuck? Coercing someone / attempting to coerce someone into invasive medical procedures and claiming its to protect them from getting pregnant if they’re raped again is fucked up, and wrong, and abusive, and victim blaming. If someone WANTS an IUD after a rape, that’s another thing. But I made it clear I did not want one.
Yeah she wasn’t successful at coercing me. I ended up walking out. But she tried, and it was re-traumatizing. Which was the point, instead of getting the help I needed, I was retraumatized.
You do realize that a non-romantic and non-sexual relationship (not using the word relationship here to refer to a romantic or sexual relationship but just any relationship) can still be abusive, correct? And that saying “Why did you stay?” is fucked up when something is abusive but non-romantic and non-sexual too, correct? Also, again, I didnt stay. I left.
You’re disgusting and an abuse apologist, and absolutely need to get some fucking compassion.
If you want people to stop assuming things, then you stop talking about your rape and then saying “I can’t tell you anything.” It leads to assumptions, but I am still going to stand by my words. I think that you’re just be a stubborn ass because the professional help you’re getting is not the professional help you want. Because it really is starting to sound like you just want someone to coddle you back to health like a baby.
You know why she acted like it wasn’t a coping mechanisms? Maybe it’s because if she says it’s one, people automatically assume “It’s a coping mechanism! You said so! You have no right to judge!”. And that’s just counter productive on all accounts. After all it is you who said it’s a bad coping mechanism. If you don’t want to listen her, that’s your problem. If you want to blame her for not telling you what you want to hear, that’s just stupid, but it’s your choice.
You need to go read Buck vs Bell again. It has nothing to do with rape. Buck vs Bell was about sterilizing the mentally unfit so we don’t end up as a nation of retards. And I never once said you should get it. I was defending her right to make that suggestion. And I was hoping to shed light on why why she might be making that suggestion. But instead, you want to attack me for taking her side and not coddling you.
And I never once apologized for your abuse. In fact, your rape was never the focus. How you’re dealing with your psychiatrist is the issue here. And I think you’re dealing with it piss poor like.
I’m disgusting? There is nothing more disgusting than someone thinking that they’re entitled to hear what they want because they were the victim in a tragedy. Get off my blog. Go drink your life away because you’re unwilling to listen to the professional help that’s offered.
You don’t deserve my compassion if this is how you decide how to treat this. You want compassion? You stop talking after “I was raped.”. You want sympathy? You stick to your group of friends and tell them that you’re trying to get help instead of barging into someone’s opinion blog and telling them that they’re wrong. So don’t tell me to be compassionate if you’re not going to do anything to deserve it.
This is over, don’t even respond with your drivel. Don’t even try to justify your actions anymore. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, you’re just acting like being a victim means you get to hear whatever you want. It doesn’t.
I don’t have to give you details of my rape for you to treat me with respect. If I do that’s your problem, not mine. And maybe, if she hadn’t treated me like shit, I would’ve actually gotten the help I needed and not had to stop drinking on my own. Which by the way, I’m sober now.
YOU need to read Buck vs. Bell again, Carrie Buck was raped and got pregnant and that was what got her institutionalized. Also, wow, did you seriously just advocate for eugenics and use the r-word? You’re a piece of work, you know that right.
My psychiatrist’s behavior was abusive, so yes, you’re apologizing for my abuse.
THE PROFESSIONAL HELP I WAS OFFERED WAS ABUSIVE. IM NOT OBLIGATED TO TAKE ABUSIVE HELP.
Also, wow, to get compassion, I have to be silent about the rape and abuse I faced. Nice! You’re a shitty person.